January 2010
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formspring.me
why don’t you have a boyfriend
Uh. Hmmm. Well, I’m way too into music. I use big words sometimes. I’d rather go to a show than to the movies. I love my cat. I’m too passionate. My parents are pretty strict and I hardly get to go places. I think too much. I read. I care. I’m not insanely gorgeous. I do things the way I like. I’m a romantic. I...
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I think too much, I think too much, I think too...
My mind is racing with things I’ve thought a million times. Repeating and getting louder and louder inside my brain. This must be insanity.
Things like:
I feel like a total douche. Why didn’t I just go to formal? Why do so many girls at highland hate me? I wish I knew someone who could play an acoustic guitar well. I just wanna jam out and sing my heart out. Why didn’t I just...
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things I miss about having a boyfriend
getting hugged from behind
late night phone calls and long conversations
silence that isn’t awkward
holding hands
thinking about the same person right when I wake up and before I fall asleep
cute inside jokes
texting back and forth with happy faces in every message
feeling pretty all the time just because he says so
the way your heart flutters at the thought of him
the sweet...
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Velocity vs. Viscosity (an excerpt from Girl,...
Insanity comes in two basic varieties: slow and fast. I’m not talking about onset or duration. I mean the quality of the insanity, the day-to-day business of being nuts. There are a lot of names: depression, catatonia, mania, anxiety, agitation. They don’t tell you much. The predominant quality of the slow form is viscosity. Experience is thick. Perceptions are thickened and dulled....
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my festering gash.
Thinking about John. I never gave the proper time required for everything to heal. (Ten days before school started and five before warped tour doesn’t really give you time) Yeah, my mind still goes crazy, investigating every possibility, anything that could maybe justify his suicide. I’m hurting his pain. I feel like I’m bleeding his blood. I don’t want to forget him but...
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optimism is embracing everything.
the good, the bad, and especially the unknown.
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in reverie
rev⋅er⋅ie
–noun
1. A state of dreamy meditation or fanciful musing: lost in reverie.
2. A daydream.
3. A fantastic, visionary, or impractical idea: reveries that will never come to fruition.
4. Music. an instrumental composition of a vague and dreamy character.
That’s why reverie is my favorite word from now until forever.
Yes, I am a word nerd.
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too mature for my age
The other day somebody told me, “Clarissa, you’re never going to fit in. You’re never going to win those stupid senior superlatives or prom queen awards. You’re just too… ahead of your time. You’re the most mature person in your entire freshman class. Why aren’t you 18?”
The truth is, I don’t know. But I’m embracing it, the unknown.
I...
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communication and assumption
One thing I don’t understand about most people: they almost always seem to choose assumption over communication.
People make assumptions everyday that land them in less than fortunate situations rather than just communicating and making things right.
For example: Boy likes girl and wants to ask her to a school function. Boy chooses (though he doesn’t realize he is) to assume that...
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formal
today is my highschool’s formal. I woke up at ten am, knowing I looked like complete shit, a total wreck, meanwhile nearly every other girl that attended highland high had been awake for at least two hours, giggling and excited, curling their hair and applying makeup, getting ready for their first, second, third, or last formal.
I may or may not regret my decision of not going, but I still...
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doorknobs
the thing I like about doorknobs is that any which way you twist them, they open. I wish more things in life were like that. As long as you make the effort, you get the results. But the thing is that people always want effort in ways only they could appreciate them. Why can’t I show that I’ve put effort in what I’m doing, even if I’m doing it my way? It seems weird, and I...
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You'll never be free until you risk everything to...
That is true freedom. That is my dream.
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formspring.me
do you prefer win, or succeed?
succeed. it’s always more important to succeed, winning just feels better. you could play a soccer game real dirty and win, or try hard and still succeed as a person. I think, in life, in the long run and everything, weather you win everything doesn’t really amount to anything other than a false sense of accomplishment. if you’re...
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When I grow up
I’d like to somewhere in between Sierra Kusterbeck, Mindy White, an Lights, ideally.
Not only because they are all gorgeous, nice, genuine people, but because they have creative minds, and seem to always stay true to exactly who they are, and they are comfortable enough with themselves to always express that. Not only that, but they always seem approachable and friendly, like real people....
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formspring.me
why are you so self pitying?
I don’t really know how to respond to that, to be honest. I don’t know weather to deny it, or explain why maybe you’d think that. Sorry if I’ve annoyed you with any self pity I may have expressed towards you. I’ll be fake next time. I guess I don’t have the highest self esteem or the most amazing life, and I guess...
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uh, what?
why did this post get a bunch of likes? well I guess a bunch is basically three, and that’s a lot for me because I’ve stopped caring about followers and likes because I want to write and tumble for me. just for myself. but it’s great to know that somebody appreciates what I write and have to say.
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This song reminds me of John (my cousin), and it...
“I’m infatuated with the idea of being in love, the only problem is, love...”
– me. today. haha.
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an old cliche thing I wrote from a few months ago
take me down to the pier where you can hold me near and see those ocean waves crashing on the shore let me explore the beach with sand between my toes and feet we’ll laugh until we can’t laugh anymore we’d be happy you and me we don’t need any money I just need you and you just need me
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I want somebody with passion.
Maybe music pulses through his blood and as he inhales life he exhales love in in the form of sincerely honest and creatively original songs that come pouring from the heart, songs that could capture hearts but let them breathe and help them see.
Or maybe he finds his thrill in a viewfinder capturing the world in jpegs as he finds beauty in the strangest places taking images that enlighten souls...
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I like the rain.
Sometimes when it’s raining I want to just run outside barefoot and breathe in.
I’d run to the end of the street and watch as the cars pass by.
I’d feel the wind as it pushes past me with the combined forces of the speeding car and the pouring rain.
I’d feel every droplet of condensed love as it splashes on to me.
It makes me cold but it helps me feel.
It blurs my...
“I just wish you would have let me love you. I would have given you the world if...”
– Dirk Mai (via fydirkmai)
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1.14.10 - shows
the only place I feel at home is in a crowd of strangers sweating, screaming, singing along giving everything my all doing things I’d never do everyday letting go of every inhibition not worrying about my hair or clothes or if my makeup is smudged shouting at the top of my lungs pouring my heart holding tightly to my best friends arm adoring my family on stage hoping they see and adore me...
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1.13.10 - my mind.
scrambling, frying, struggling, dying
messed up, lying, unsure but trying
wondering, learning, blundering and turning
pounding, and burning, tumbling and churning
don’t ask, i don’t know.
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formspring.me
If you could only listen to one song for the next month, which would it be?
Hmmm. This month I’m pretty down for listening to Razorblade by The Strokes. Especially with Valentines Day around the corner. -_-
Ask me anything
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1.12.10 - a work in progress
I wrote this just now. Sorry, I’m a helpless romantic. (& kicking the habit)
I want the words to spill right from your guts And as your scrambling to pick them up You hand your heart right over to me, And I swear I’d hold it carefully I’d keep it safe inside a box But I’ll be sure to punch holes at the top So that your heart can breath And if it wanted, leave.
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1/11/09
I never have titles for anything I write until I reread and refine it months later. But I wrote this today, I don’t know what to call it. It just exists. I don’t know why it came out so cloudy and metaphorical, since I usually don’t write that way. But here it is:
It buries you alive in nightmares worse than you could ever dream
And the darkness is seeping into your eyes
...
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“Today, I am an atheist, a freethinker, and a secular humanist, For me, life...”
– Daniel Hunter
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